I Know What You Did

People are creatures of habit, and folks have a tendency to sit in the same pews [or chairs] each week at church. People sometimes ask other people to move so they can sit in "their" places. But that fine display of hospitality isn't what this post is about.

There are a couple of neat things about claiming a seat as your own. First, it makes it easier for the pastor to know who's missing. If you scoot all over the room, he or she might not notice for several weeks that you've been playing hooky. That may or may not be a good thing.

For instance, you'll probably be offended when nobody notices you're missing until you've been gone for a month or longer. To call you, or not to call you? That is the question. Because you'll probably feel controlled and be offended that you can't even be gone for a couple of weeks without creating an international incident or something. But this post isn't about being offended, either.

The other fabulous thing about claiming a seat as your own is that it makes it easier for the person who straightens up the auditorium (me) to know who it was that left used tissues on the floor, empty candy wrappers and unread bulletins in the seat-back pockets, sticky chewing gum under the seats, and almost-empty coffee cups leaking on the carpeting. But you'll be relieved to know that I'm not gonna call you out.

That's right, you (and you know who you are) are forgiven. Next Sunday, though, it would be so great if you could clean up the area around "your" seat. The person who straightens up the auditorium would really appreciate it. Thank you. You're awesome!